Parenthood & everyday life
Balancing work and family begins where perfection ends
On parenthood, exhaustion and shared responsibility. Reflections from my interview with Tadah.
“I can do everything. Just not all at once.” This sentence has stayed with me since I became a mother. It reminds me that balancing work and family does not mean being equally available at all times for my work, my children, my partner and myself.
In an interview with Tadah magazine, I spoke about balancing work and family as a mother and as a psychotherapist who supports parents through periods of exhaustion. I keep encountering the same idea: if you just plan well enough, surely everything should work out. Everyday family life often tells a different story.
For many parents, the second shift begins when paid work ends: shopping, cooking, washing, organising appointments, settling arguments, listening. When things finally quieten down, the to-do list keeps running through their minds. At the same time, parents are expected to be committed at work, patient with their children, attentive to their relationship and still find time for themselves. The image of effortlessly balancing work and family is everywhere. The effort behind it mostly remains invisible.
Tension is part of life. But when there is no time to recover over a long period, it becomes overload. In my practice, I see many parents notice early on that their energy is running out, yet keep going. Over time, this can make them ill, both mentally and physically.
This exhaustion is not solely a personal problem. Balancing work and family is often treated as though families simply need to organise their routines better. Yet everyday life also depends on how we work, make childcare possible and share responsibility. Women still take on a large share of care work, often alongside their paid employment. In addition to the visible work, there is the invisible work: remembering everything, planning ahead, coordinating.
A better calendar cannot solve this. We need working conditions that take family life into account and a culture in which part-time work, flexible hours and shared childcare are normal. Responsibility for children must not automatically become the mother’s task and a disadvantage at work.
This also means genuine parental leave: for both parents, with enough financial security for both to actually take it. It would ease the pressure on families after a birth and enable them to share care more equally from the outset. Compared with other European countries, Switzerland still has a lot of catching up to do here.
Balancing work and family is not a state we reach once and can then tick off a list. It changes with every stage of life. Not everything has to be possible at the same time. But parents need the freedom to set priorities, share responsibility and sometimes reach their limits without that meaning they have failed.
The conversation at Tadah
The full interview, “Nathalie à Porta: einen Schritt zurück, um vorwärts zu gehen.”, was published on 19 January 2023. Interview and original text: Tadah. The original is in German.